


a different kind of love story

by luckygrub



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Introspection, Manga Spoilers, does this count as character study. oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26269897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckygrub/pseuds/luckygrub
Summary: Amanai Kanoka was born tall, and she was also born scared. Tanaka Ryunnosuke, on the other hand, was born short but so, so brave.Oh, how Kanoka envied him.Haikyuu Girls Week Day 7: Beginnings/Endings
Relationships: Amanai Kanoka & Shimizu Kiyoko, Amanai Kanoka & Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 24
Kudos: 67
Collections: Haikyuu Girls Week 2020





	a different kind of love story

Amanai Kanoka was born tall, and she was also born scared. Tanaka Ryunnosuke, on the other hand, was born short but so, so brave. 

Oh, how Kanoka envied him.

She first meets him on her driveway, two 7-year-olds and their moms standing in front of a small house in a small town north of Sendai. She hides behind her mom’s leg and peers out at Tanaka, and flushes dark red when their eyes meet.

( _He’s_ not hiding behind his mom’s leg. He stands out in the open, spine straight and unapologetic. Kanoka wishes she had the courage.)

Her mom’s trying to get her to move out from behind her leg, saying, _This is Tanaka-kun, he lives down the street, wouldn’t you guys like to go to the park and play with the other kids?_ Her mom surely knows that the answer is no, and yet they find themselves at the park anyway, because she was never really looking for Kanoka’s opinion.

She stands awkwardly by the seesaw, stripped of her barrier. Tanaka sizes her up, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Wow! You’re really tall!”

She flinches slightly at that, thinking of the kids at school who’d call her an ogre, a giant, who’d say _make way for us normal people!_ as if she wasn’t one of them. But instead of throwing insults he just nods, all serious. “That’s super neat. Wanna go play tag?”

It’s the first time she’s ever heard someone say that, heard someone call her height _neat_ as if it were a blessing and not a curse. As easy as that, _Tanaka-kun_ becomes _Ryu-chan,_ and _neighbour_ becomes _best friend._ Envy becomes admiration.

(Admiration becomes love.) 

~~~

Amanai Kanoka hates school, because school means other kids, and other kids do not exactly have a reputation for being kind to Kanoka. So Kanoka slouches, and hides behind her hair, in doorways, in class, whenever the teacher would ask them to order themselves by height. She draws herself in, tighter and tighter, and hopes against hope that the taunts will go away. She hides behind bad posture and long hair and her mother’s leg, whenever she can get away with it. Flimsy cardboard barriers against the cruelty of other kids.

“Don’t stop there, you giant!” someone sneers, blocking the doorway. “We normal people can’t get past!”

Her eyes burn and her nose tingles in that weird way that it does before she starts crying, but then Ryu comes sprinting down the halls, a hurricane in motion, yelling at the top of his lungs. The kids around her all turn tail and run, shouting warnings to their friends (it’s Tanaka! From class two!), because even at the tender age of 7, Ryu has already formed a reputation for being unafraid to kick bullies in the shin, even in plain sight of teachers.

He skids to a stop in front of her, cackling as he watches them turn tail and run, then he turns towards her, hands on his hips. “Hey!” he _shouts_ , because even in kindness Ryu has no sense of volume control. “Don’t let those jerks get to you. Being tall is super cool, so stand up straight, ‘kay?”

To Kanoka Amanai, height was a target on her back, an unwelcome beacon of light that seemed to draw every bully in a 10 mile radius. Height was, simply put, not _super cool._

“Now c’mon. I’m gonna take you someplace super awesome!” he declares, and darts down the hall as fast as he came. She follows him, because Ryu had always drawn her in even as he chased everyone else off. He drags her out the school and takes her to the sports center, and he throws open the door dramatically to reveal-

A volleyball court?

She’s never seen volleyball like this before. Their school’s gym is cramped and tiny, stocked with the volleyball net she’s eye level with. This gym has high ceilings and light pouring in from skylights above, the volleyball net above! above her head, and she watches, transfixed, as kids swing their palms into brightly coloured volleyballs, the _thwack thwack thwack_ echoing in her ears, a new song she doesn’t know the name of but wants so badly to learn.

“Come on, come on!” Ryu’s tugging at her arm, and he holds a ball out towards her. The feeling of his hands on her arms leaves her skin on fire. A devilish smile spreads across his face. “I’m gonna show you how to play the _coolest_ game _ever_.”

~~~

Volleyball does not come easy to Kanoka, but then again, very few things do. 

The first thing she learns is that volleyballs are not nearly as soft as they appear to be; receiving leaves her forearms angry and red and bruised, and she stubs her fingers learning to pass overhand more times than she can count. Spiking leaves her palms red and stinging. Serves are nearly as bad.

The second thing she learns is that volleyball is so _complicated_. The rules make her head spin; there are a million ways to lose a point, and so few ways to win one. She watches the older kids play, a whirlwind of complex strategy and well-timed combination plays, everyone always thinking and improving. It scares her, a little; they are so fast and so good and not that much older than her at all. 

Their teams are well oiled machines, blockers and receivers moving in unison. It makes her heart race; she wants to play like that, one day. She wants to learn to block like that, to spike like that, but she is leagues behind them and the distance seems impossible to bridge. 

Volleyball is hard; that’s the third thing she learns, after a million missed serves and stuffed spikes and blocks easily avoided by the opposing spikers. Her receives never make it back to the setter, and she’s had aces ripped off her more times than she can count. Serving practice is the worst; her serves hit the tape, fly too long, swerve out. On the rare occasion they land in, they’re always easily received, flying back to the setter in a pretty arc. 

That day, Kanoka watches as another serve smacks into the net and falls to the floor. Hot tears prick at her eyes. She picks up a ball from the floor and watches as tears splatter on the smooth leather. 

“What’s up, Kanoka? Something wrong?” Ryu looks at her, eyes wide with curiosity. Her cheeks go red. She hates being caught crying by him, though it’s happened more times than she can count. 

“The ball never goes in when I serve,” she sniffles. “I just can’t do it. I don’t know how to do it right.”

He ponders this briefly. Then-

“Just do it over and over until you get it!” he says proudly. “Then you can do it!”

The answer is so obvious, so simple. Practice it until you can. Nothing is unchangeable; every missed serve you get a little better, a little closer to landing it in. Just do it, over and over. And one day you’ll get it.

She smiles. “Yeah!”

Kanoka watches the older kids play and thinks, _I want to be that good one day_ . And she thinks, _one day I’ll get there_. 

Tanaka Ryunnosuke is a hurricane, some unstoppable force of nature; he knocks down her cardboard walls, the fragile barriers she kept up between herself and the rest of the world. She’s stripped bare, now; the newest and the worst. But he reminds her that there’s room to improve. Room to grow with every mistake. 

She throws herself into never ending practices, and she gets a little bit better every day. Passes and receives hurt less and less. She stops stubbing her fingers at every overhand pass. She stops waving her arms crazily when she goes up to block. She learns, and she improves; she stuffs her first spike, and the sound of the ball hitting the floor is music to her ears. A familiar song, now. 

“Whoa, Kanoka, that’s so cool!” Ryu yells from behind her. “You can block so high with your super long arms!”

“Ryunnosuke, pipe down!” her coach calls. Her cheeks flush red and her stomach flutters at the praise. _He thinks you’re super cool._

“Man, you’re so lucky!” Ryu cries, still jumping up and down. “I’d have to jump so much higher to be able to do something like that!”

Kanoka has a lot of feelings about her height, and _lucky_ was never one that crossed her mind. Target on her back, beacon of light, 10 mile radius. She’s never considered herself lucky to have it. Height is a liability, something that kept her from being invisible, from going unnoticed.

Her wrist stings from the impact of the ball; red and raw, proof of what she did, proof of the work she put into this. She feels a little unstoppable; a little bit like Ryu. 

Volleyball doesn’t come easy to Kanoka, but she plays it anyway; success is a tidal wave, washing away the bitter taste of failing over and over again. It sucks her a little deeper every day. 

She finds her place here, in a gym with huge ceilings and tall nets and room for her to stand up straight, room for her to grow. Here, height is a gift that Kanoka has been blessed with. That’s the fourth and most important thing she learns about volleyball. 

She can get used to this.

~~~ 

They play a practice game against the older kids one day, who aren’t even in middle school yet, but they seem so much older, so much _taller_ ; for once, they’re the ones towering over Kanoka instead of the other way around. 

The game starts and it’s the other team’s serve; her attack is easily dug, and the other setter sends it left. Kanoka runs left, comes to a stop and jumps –

The ball flies into the floor behind her. Point to the other team.

She blinks. Did they spike that above her block?

Ryu runs over from the right and smacks her in the back, hard. _Ow._ “Shake it off!” he yells. “You’ll get them next time!”

She nods. “Yeah!”

But the next time it happens too, even though her team’s middle blocker is beside her; it’s as if the block hasn’t even registered on their radar. She’s not even _tall_ here, compared the older kids; they beat her block over and over, line shots and cross shots whizzing over her head, between her arms, off the tips of her fingers. She has never felt so small. She wants to curl up and cry, a little, pull herself in, tighter and tighter and -

“Come on, Amanai,” her coach calls. “There’s no room for slouching in volleyball. How are you going to block anything like that?”

She straightens up. Puts her hands above her head, waits for the serve. “Yes, sir!”

~~~

Volleyball becomes a part of her life, as essential and instinctual as breathing. She settles into the routine; school, volleyball, rest and repeat. It becomes easy, comfortable. Safe.

So naturally, the universe said _that won’t do at all!_ and decided to do something about it. Her mom looks up at her sadly over dinner and says 3 words that spin her whole world on its head. 

“What? You’re moving away?”

Ryu looks up at her, eyes wide. Kanoka draws her knees up to her chest, tears pooling in her eyes. “My mom got a job closer to the city,” she mumbles. “We have to move at the end of the summer.”

“Oh.”

Ryu stands up, puts his hands on his hips. “You better keep playing volleyball, then! Then we can see each other at tournaments all the time!”

She blinks. “What tournaments?”

“You know, the middle school tournaments and stuff!” he says proudly, as if middle school weren’t ages away. “You better be there to see me win all the games!”

He’s haloed by the sun, standing against the backdrop of the sports center. Middle school is more than 3 years away, but Kanoka thinks that she might be able to hang on that long if it means seeing Ryu again. The way he says it makes her heart skip a beat; only 3 years and they can see each other again, under a gym with high ceilings, playing a sport they both love. It makes her believe that anything is possible. 

“I will be.” 

Ryu holds his hand out. “Shake on it!”

Kanoka smiles, and sticks her hand out to meet his. A part of her wants to stay like this forever, his hand in hers, on the grass outside the place she loves most. She knows she can’t, though, so she does the next best thing. He won’t leave her behind forever; they will see each other again. And she’ll get to watch him win. 

She feels hopeful, a little excited even; maybe a fresh start is just what she needs. Ryu won’t be there anymore, but neither will her other classmates who taunt her for her height. She will not have Ryu, but she will still have volleyball; maybe, just maybe, this will be good for her.

Kanoka moves at the end of the summer. Her hopes are quickly dashed. 

The school is different, but the kids are just as mean; the taunts don’t stop and this time, there’s no one left to shield her, no one to come charging down the halls when the kids yell insults from around corners. She starts slouching again, now that there’s no one left to tell her to stand up straight, that height is _supercool_ , who repels bullies with the ease that Ryu did.

(She misses Ryu, painfully; there’s a part of her heart that she left behind with him, back in the sports center near their school. 3 years seems like an impossible amount of time to survive, now.)

She keeps her promise, though; she still plays volleyball, even without Ryu there. She joins a team outside her school, and she’s still the tallest kid around, but here she can wear it like a badge of honour. She doesn’t have to slouch, where the high nets and higher ceilings leave room for her to stand up straight, space to grow, even. Height is a gift here; it lets you reach higher and higher over the net, to spike, to block, to serve. There’s a warm flicker in her belly every time she spikes the ball into the court, reaching high above the blockers as if they weren’t even there. She feels a little like Ryu, every time – unstoppable.

This new school’s gym is bigger, with tall equipment and even taller ceilings. She comes in one day to find the volleyball net set up, and her heart skips in her chest. She straightens up as the teacher explains the rules she’s already committed to memory.

“Ooh,” she hears someone snicker behind her – Akio? Is that his name? “Giant girl’s getting _serious_ now. Careful, she might run you guys over.” The other kids snicker behind her too. Her heart sinks, and she wants so badly to curl into herself, but she hears a voice in her head – _There’s no room for slouching in volleyball –_ and she keeps her head high and her back straight.

They do simple drills Kanoka’s done a million times before, and soon the teacher splits them into teams to play games. During their first one, Akio’s standing on the other side of the net, and when he comes up to spike her hands are there to stop it, and the ball smacks into the center of the court. Point to her team.

Akio looks at her, cheeks red and eyes narrow. Then he stands up, and tries to laugh. “I guess it’s only natural that a human like me can’t beat a giant like her! Sensei should have her kneel to make things fair for all of us.”

The class laughs, but Kanoka doesn’t care; the whispers, the taunts don’t stop, but she keeps her back straight and her head high. _There’s no room for slouching in volleyball._ She keeps playing, keeps shutting down spikes and spiking above the blocks, and the whispers fade into the background. Ryu’s voice has always been the loudest one in her ears, and his words wrap around her like a familiar blanket, keeping her safe from her classmates’ taunts. _Being tall is supercool, so stand up straight, okay?_

When break time is called, her team has already won a full set against Akio’s; she ignores his beet-red face and sits against the gym wall. For the first time, no one comes to bother her. 

“Hey, could you teach me how to receive like that?”

The voice makes her flinch; she looks up to find Yonezawa Maiko, who is loud and outgoing, and is one of the few kids that doesn’t worship the ground that Akio walks on. Kanoka likes her on principle, so she agrees to try, even through she’s not a great receiver herself.

“Thanks,” Yonezawa says, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “It’s starting to get easier now.”

They both fall silent as Akio runs by, chasing a ball that went the wrong way. “Ignore him,” Yonezawa says, rolling her eyes. “Keep your head up, okay? He’s just jealous that you’re so tall.”

_Being tall is supercool, so stand up straight, okay?_

Kanoka smiles. “I will.”

~~~

The more time Kanoka spends with Maiko, the more she reminds her of Ryu. Yonezawa Maiko is just as unafraid of bullies, just as tough and loud and _kind_. She starts playing libero on Kanoka’s junior league team, and she comes a long way past asking Kanoka for receiving advice. 

The years pass in a blur of skinned knees and taped fingers and spinning volleyballs, always spinning. They get better and better, every spare moment spent in the gym until their coach kicks them out, until their parents come pick them up, until their legs are trembling with exhaustion.

Amanai Kanoka finishes elementary school still tall, still shy and scared, but with a new friend. Maiko makes it all a little easier; with her, Kanoka can almost forget about the part of her heart she left behind with Ryu.

Maiko and her start middle school together, both joining the volleyball club. Middle school is nothing like she expected it to be, full of kind teammates who all love the same sport, who admire Kanoka’s height and the gifts it lends her in volleyball.

(Another thing she learns: middle school boys and girls’ tournaments are usually held in different gyms. She tries not to feel disappointed; it’s not like she played all these years only because she wanted to see Ryu, but a part of her had held onto the hope anyway.)

Their team is small, not a powerhouse among middle schools. It feels like a bit of a slap in the face. In their old sports club, she and Maiko were big fish in a very small pond, but here, surrounded by people taller and better than her, Kanoka feels very small indeed. 

In their first 2 years of middle school, they never manage to go past the second round.

~~~

During her very last tournament of middle school, they finally manage to break past the third round; now, at a later stage in the tournament, the boys and girls’ competitions are finally held together. 

She spends every spare second watching the boys’ competitions, scanning the team lineups for any sign of Ryu. She doesn't see him.

“No luck?” Maiko asks from behind her. 

Kanoka shakes her head. “I don’t think his school made it this far,” she mumbles. _You better be there to watch me win!_ It feels ironic, now, that she made it this far and he didn’t. 

Maiko's face is sympathetic. “Maybe you’ll find him in high school,” she suggests. 

It seems like too much to hope for. She doesn’t even know where he's going, let alone how to find him. “Maybe.” 

“Alright, we gotta go kick ass on the court now,” says Maiko, hands on her hips, all business now. “So wipe that sad look off your face and go spike the ball into that smug middle blocker’s face.”

Kanoka laughs. “Alright, let’s go.”

~~~

They finish their season with a bitter loss, eliminated in the quarterfinals after 3 hard fought sets. Kanoka knows they did their best, knows that the other team was better, but can’t help but feel disappointed anyway. It’s the best their little team has ever done, but she had wanted to go further. Make nationals, even. 

Disappointment is a lead weight in her chest, but her teachers have seized the opportunity of their season being done to pile on the homework. Time formerly spent in the gym is now spent hunched over her desk, frantically studying for entrance exams. Kanoka has no idea where she wants to go, no idea where to even start; she has always been more interested in volleyball than grades. She’s coming to regret this decision now as she’s bent over her desk, trying to decipher the math problems in front of her. Maiko, on the other hand, finished her problem set hours ago; she’s always been better at balancing things than Kanoka. 

The schools she decides to apply to are not ones that she particularly wants to attend, but her chances of getting into a better school are fairly low, according to her teachers, so she has to settle. 

(There were scouts at the tournament; maybe she won’t have to settle after all. Her teachers tell her it’s not smart to bank on this, but at this point, Kanoka isn’t quite sure if she has any other options.)

The day after she and Maiko finish their entrance exams (she thinks she did okay, actually), they head to the gym to watch their new team play. Kanoka thinks that they might have a shot at nationals next year; they’re already looking really polished. 

They’re lounging on the sidelines when they hear Sato-sensei calling them. She’s standing at the entrance of the gym with someone Kanoka doesn’t recognize. She recognizes her jacket, though; Niiyama Girls’ High.

“Yonezawa, Amanai,” Sato-sensei says. “This is Maeda-san, the coach from Niiyama Girls’ High School.”

Her heart skips a beat in her chest. 

“I saw your performance at the tournament last month,” Maeda-sensei says. “I was very impressed. How would you two feel about playing for Niiyama next year?”

~~~

(Niiyama Girls’ High is the best girls’ team in the entire prefecture. For Kanoka, this is the obvious choice. The _only_ choice. For Maiko, as well.)

~~~

Kanoka spends her first year on the bench, jittery and anxious and wanting so badly to be out there too. They make both the Inter-High and the Spring High, but they don’t win either tournament. Even though she wasn’t on the court, the defeats weigh heavily on her heart. She watches her team play, watches the competition they’re up against. She can’t compete with them, now. She wants to be good enough to someday. 

(She doesn’t see Ryu, that year. She goes to as many boys’ tournaments as she can, but she can’t find him anywhere.)

She comes off the bench, second year, while Maiko stays their backup libero. It’s weird to be on the court without her, but part of going to one of the top volleyball schools in the nation is having to compete with the rest of the bench. 

(It’s also weird that she’s so okay with it. She’s been a little different, lately. Kanoka’s not quite sure what to make of it.)

They clinch the Miyagi slot for Nationals in June, and go to Tokyo in August. Kanoka stands on the orange court for the first time, and feels like she’s finally arrived. 

~~~

(They win the Inter-High. Kanoka stands on the court, surrounded by friends and teammates, and thinks that she could get used to this.)

~~~

The prefectural preliminaries take place only two weeks after they get back from Tokyo, so it’s a good thing that they don’t have to play then. The qualifiers arrive in a blur of fall leaves and endless volleyball practices, and they win all three games on their way to the finals. 

They get to the gym first thing that morning, even though the boys are playing first; the finals are between Shiratorizawa against a school she’s never heard of. Karasuno. An old championship school, according to Maiko. 

“Surprised that Seijoh isn’t playing in the finals this time,” Maiko comments, looking at the brackets. 

“Yeah.” It _is_ surprising; the boys’ finals has been between Shiratorizawa and Seijoh for the last 3 years. Shiratorizawa has always won; they’ve got that huge southpaw who's been taking the team to nationals every year. 

“Apparently Karasuno took them down yesterday.” Maiko shrugs. “Wanna go check it out?”

There’s still a ways to go before they have to start warming up, so they go to check on the game; surprisingly enough, it looks like it might actually last for a while. Shiratorizawa is leading 2-1, but the fourth set is tight enough that the other school might actually force a decider. It’s surprising, Kanoka thinks. In the year and a half she’s been in high school, she’s never seen a school that could take a set off Shiratorizawa. 

She examines Karasuno curiously. They’re not too tall, not too big; they look like middle schoolers against Shiratorizawa. They have an orange-haired middle blocker who looks like he’s only 5 feet, and-

Ryu-chan?

She blinks, once, twice. Karasuno’s number 5. Buzz cut. He’s taller and older and different, but his face is still the same. Still tough, still kind; familiar. Kanoka spent 5 years looking for that face; she’d recognize it anywhere. 

He plays for Karasuno, fearless even as he takes on the perennial champions. It’s so fitting that it almost makes Kanoka laugh.

She watches him play against Shiratorizawa, jumping again and again in the face of their blockers and she’s 8 again, standing in the bright gym with tears on her face because her serves won’t land in. _Just do it over and over until you get it!_ And he jumps, over and over, never faltering even if it keeps coming back, and he _gets it_ , drilling the point deep into their court. He is a perfect line shot, a serve kissing the line, a kill block straight into the center of their court. Unstoppable. Invincible. For a second there, watching him, she feels the same way too. 

She thinks it feels a little like love. 

“Karasuno’s not half bad,” Maiko notes. “Their libero is _amazing_.”

She can barely pay attention to Maiko's words; Kanoka hasn’t even noticed the libero, hasn’t looked at anyone but Ryu since they started watching. Even now, she can’t bring herself to look away. She is a sunflower, turning to face the sun, following it wherever it goes. 

They have to leave to warm up far too soon. 

(Karasuno makes nationals. So does Niiyama. The days until they leave for Tokyo can’t pass fast enough.)

~~~

She spots Karasuno at the opening ceremonies, their black and orange jerseys a beacon, drawing her in like a moth to a lamp. She wants to go over and find him, but her feet are glued to the ground. Her stomach is in knots at the thought of seeing Ryu again; it’s been so _long_ , they’re both so much older and probably so different, what if-

Maiko jabs her elbow into Kanoka’s side. “I can _hear_ you thinking, you idiot. Stop panicking so much and just go find him.”

She rubs her side, wincing. “ _Ow_.”

“You deserved it,” Maiko says, waving her off. “Shoo, now. Go find Ryu-chan.”

Kanoka steels herself and walks towards the clump of Karasuno players. She arrives within 3 feet of them when there’s a flash of orange hair and bodies crashing into each other, and there’s a small boy flying stumbling towards her. Her heart leaps into her throat but she catches him easily (he’s even _smaller_ up close) before he smashes into her. He’s wearing the Karasuno jersey, number 4; she remembers him vaguely from the prefectural qualifiers. Maiko saw him dig one of Ushijima’s spikes and hasn’t shut up about him since. 

He opens his eyes and looks up at her. “Are you okay?” she asks. 

“Yes, thank you!” he sputters out, his cheeks red as she releases him. “I’m very okay!!” 

“Oh hey! Kanoka!”

Her heart does a little tap dance in her chest. His voice is different - deeper, a little, but still familiar. Still Ryu. He approaches them, his smile so bright it awakens the butterflies in her stomach. “Dude, it’s been forever!” 

“Um, R-ryu-Chan!” She curses herself for stuttering (what is she so _nervous_ for?) and tries to steady her voice. “Yeah, it has.”

“Man, how long has it been? Fourth grade?” He laughs, bright and easy. “I see you’re still as huge as ever…” 

All of a sudden he trails off and his face freezes. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, all wide eyes and shock. 

“Amanai,” Satsuki, her captain, says from behind her. “Time to line up.”

“Oh!” She turns back towards Ryu - is he blushing? and whispers, “Good luck, Ryu-chan!” She follows Satsuki back to the rest of their team. 

She feels a little woozy, like she’s somehow high off the few words they exchanged. Her world feels off kilter, reformed. Ryu, blushing? About her? The thought turns her knees to jelly, fills her stomach with butterflies. Her hands are burning, and she is 9 again, sitting outside the sports center with his palm against hers. _Shake on it!_

They kept their promise, after all. 

Maiko grins cheekily at her. “Was it everything you ever dreamed of?”

Her face immediately heats up, and Maiko laughs, bright and easy and loud. So much like Ryu, whose blushing face is imprinted onto her heart. 

(It was, actually. Maybe that’s the most embarrassing part; that the handful of words that they managed to exchange, casual and teasing were everything she dreamed of. Maybe even more.)

~~~

After practice, Kanoka spots Ryu heading to his small hotel, laughing and talking with his teammates. She waits behind a tree as the rest of her team goes into their hotel, and prays that Maiko followed them.

“Ryu-chan!”

He turns around, and their eyes meet. Heat immediately rushes to Kanoka’s face. She really hopes it just looks like she’s cold, because she _is_. It’s January. Tokyo is cold. 

(She’s not cold at all. Ryu has that effect on her, makes her feel warm all over. Safe.)

(Loved.)

“I heard you won. Congrats!” 

“Um… Th-thanks.” 

He looks more nervous than she feels, and his cheeks are flushed too. _From the cold_ , she tells herself. _Don’t get your hopes up._

Her heart is stupid, and traitorous, and is filled with hope anyway. 

“So… yeah,” she says, and her tongue feels too big and her head is on fire. “L-let’s do our best tomorrow, okay?”

“Y-yeah!”

“O-okay, see you later.” Her face is on fire. Everything is hot. This was a terrible idea. 

“Yeah.”

She walks away quickly before she can embarrass herself any further. She really hopes that Maiko was not watching her. 

Kanoka walks towards the hotel, and Maiko jogs out of nowhere to catch up to her. She was absolutely watching her. 

She waggles her eyebrows at Kanoka. “Oho! So that’s the famous Ryu-chan, huh?” She grins at Kanoka knowingly. “This is gonna sound rude, but what’s so good about him?” 

Maiko's been on the receiving end of a million silly Ryu stories, but Kanoka has never managed to put her relationship with Ryu into words. It’d be so easy to explain if Maiko had met him; they are so much alike that Kanoka is sure she’d understand immediately. She’s never found the words to talk about how Ryu is fearless and bright and so infectious he even managed to pull Kanoka out of her shell, how he had confidence in her before she did, how he loved her height and taught her to as well. There are no words to fully encapsulate what he is to her. Anything she could come up with would come up short. 

_What’s so good about him?_

She thinks about bullies and volleyball courts, about a shy girl and a brave boy who stood up for her. She tells Maiko about a Ryu who was a lot like her, who took Kanoka by the hand and told her, _I’m gonna show you how to play the coolest game ever._

“And, um, after that I guess I learned to have more confidence in myself and stuff,” she finishes. It feels inadequate, incomplete; such a small part of what Ryu is to her, what he has done for her. 

“Uh-huh,” Maiko says, grinning smugly. “Is that all?”

Her face immediately lights on fire. Maiko's eyes widen. “Oi, I didn’t say anything that embarrassing! What are you blushing for?”

~~~

Tokyo is cold at night, but it’s beautiful; the city is bright and colourful, even at this late an hour. Koji probably meant for her to wait inside, but she feels too nervous to sit down; her stomach is filled with butterflies at the thought of their game tomorrow. 

She steps into the freezing air and sees Ryu outside his hotel, pacing a hole in the concrete. Her heart skips in her chest. 

“Oh! Ryu-chan!”

He spins around, his eyes wide. “Oh! Hey, Kanoka.”

He immediately turns bright red. It makes her heart do cartwheels in her chest, her stomach fluttering like she’s 8 again. He comes and leans gingerly against the side of the concrete planters. 

It’s weird to be starting conversations with Ryu, who never runs out of things to say. (Yeah, her traitorous heart says. It’s also weird that he’s blushing so much around you.)

It’s nothing, she tells herself. His face is red from the _cold_ . That’s _it_.

Kanoka blows on her hands to warm them up. “It sure is cold in Tokyo,” she says, and immediately wants to smack herself. 

“Yeah.”

“Is Saeko-chan doing well?”

“Yeah! What about your family?”

“Oh! They’re all doing great.”

The silence falls between them, thick and awkward. Kanoka can’t figure out what to say; being around him makes her stomach flutter like she’s 8 again, 8 and in love; and she is 17 now and still just as in love. She’s a little bolder though, a little braver than she ever was. A little more like him. Maybe telling him wouldn’t be so bad after all; maybe he’s thinking about their childhood too, all the memories they shared. 

Maybe he loves her too. 

“Hey, Ryu-chan?” she starts. “I… um… see…”

Her confidence is slipping, and she can’t say it fast enough. Her tongue feels 6 sizes too big and she’s tripping over what she wants to say, and -

“I’m sorry!” he yells, throwing his arms out like he’s trying to block the words from coming out of her mouth. “I already-”

“What’re you doing out here, Kanoka? It’s freezing, you should’ve waited inside.” 

Ryu looks between her and Koji; his expression is mortified. “Pretend I never said anything at all!” he yells, sprinting towards his hotel. _Huh?_

Koji frowns at Ryu’s rapidly retreating back, and hands her a good luck charm. “Anyway. Here, Mom hand stitched another one for you.”

The tail end of Ryu’s sentence catches up to her. _I already have my heart set on another._

The delicate stitching of the good luck charm blurs in front of her face. Her heart _aches_ ; some naïve, young part of her believed that meeting Ryu again, here, maybe he’d love her as much as she loved him, after all these years. Seeing him and hearing his voice again, she’d felt 8 again, confidence blooming under his compliments and encouragement. She feels so _stupid_. They had spent almost 8 years apart, it had only taken a fraction of a second for all the feelings she’d bottled up to come bubbling to the surface again, as if she were still 8 and foolish and in love. Nothing had changed; 8 years and her heart was still hung up on Tanaka Ryunnosuke, who came and went like the hurricane that he is. 

“Koji, your timing was terrible,” she whispers. “I… I think I just had my heart broken.”

“Huh?” Koji yelps. “Um… It’ll be alright?” He looks a deer caught in headlights; Kanoka feels slightly guilty for springing this on him. 

This isn’t the time to be worrying about boys and love; she didn’t come here to see Ryu again, she came here to win a championship. She has to focus and play her best. Everything else comes second. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, wiping her eyes. “It’s nothing. I didn’t come here looking for romance or relationships.” She wipes her eyes. Stands up straight. “Don’t worry. I’m going to win every game.” 

“Y-yeah! Good luck!” Koji looks like he’s sweating slightly, even in the cold. 

She looks down at the good luck charm in her hand, red and warm, and smiles. She has pretty good people in her life. “Thank you for bringing this. And thank your mom for making it!”

“Oh, no problem,” he says, though he still looks slightly wary. “Mom and I will be watching your games, alright? Do your best.” 

“Yeah.”

~~~

The story comes out to Maiko between bites of breakfast, and Maiko has since alternated between insulting Ryu and praising Kanoka. 

“Listen, I’m serious!” Maiko proclaims as they walk through the hallways outside the gym. “You’re way more impressive than you give yourself credit for. Both in skill and looks!”

Kanoka laughs slightly, and Maiko plows on. “It isn’t like Ryu-chan has a girlfriend, right?” _Ouch._ “So what’re you waiting for? Go get ‘im!” A devilish grin spreads across her face. “Keep pushing, and he’ll be yours.”

Maiko's words are slightly ominous and vaguely threatening, but they remind her of someone else’s, years ago; Kanoka is 8 and crying over missed serves and Ryu tells her, _Do it over and over until you get it!_ “That’s right!”, Kanoka says; maybe – just maybe, if she doesn’t give up, then Ryu might love her too, maybe even a fraction as much as she loves him.

“Psst! Kanoka!”

Ryu is standing behind the door leading to the gym, and upon spotting him, Maiko zips away at the speed of light.

He walks up to her, palms pressed together in front of his face. “Sorry! I said a whole buncha weird stuff last night, didn’t I? Just pretend it never happened, ‘kay?”

Her heart stings a little bit, just thinking about it, but she waves him off. “No, no! I wasn’t expecting my cousin to show up when he did, I’m really sorry about that!”

“Buh? Cousin? You got family here?”

“Yeah, my aunt’s family lives here in Tokyo. Whenever I have a game here, they always send me good-luck charms and care packages and stuff.”

“Wow, really? That’s real cool of them!” He’s grinning, and then his face freezes. _He must’ve thought Koji was a boyfriend or something_ , she thinks. He’s frozen in that half grin, as the realization dawns that he didn’t misunderstand anything at all. 

She could tell him, now. But she doesn’t think that she will.

“Um, Ryu-chan? Listen.”

He is more than just her crush – he changed her life. She wants to show him how he’s helped her, how he made her grow. She wants to show him how good she got. She wants him to watch her win it all. 

“It was thanks to you that I learned to stand tall,” she tells him. “I’ve gotten really good now, so watch me, okay?”

He nods, eyes wide. Kanoka smiles, and runs to catch up to Maiko. 

~~~

Their match isn’t until later, so Maiko and Kanoka get to linger in the stands to watch Karasuno start their game against Inarizaki. 

“They’ve really got their work cut out for them,” Maiko comments. “Inarizaki’s not too shabby.”

Kanoka can only agree; she’s seen Inarizaki play, and their lineup is certainly something to be reckoned with. They’ve never won the championship, but they’re considered hot contenders for this year’s tournament. 

The Inarizaki cheer squad is deafening; all the way in the stands, Kanoka can almost feel the sound of the orchestra through the floor. They’re well trained, too; perfectly silent during their own team’s serves, and making sure to cause a ruckus during the other team’s. 

Karasuno’s number 10, the orange haired boy from the opening ceremony charges up the front, but the ball goes to Ryu on the left. The spike goes right between the Inarizaki setter’s arms. Point Karasuno. 

“Well, well!” Maiko says, digging her elbow into Kanoka’s side with a grin. “Looks like your Ryu-chan isn’t half bad!”

“Yeah,” Kanoka agrees. “Number 10’s decoy work was freeing him up, but he’s watching the blockers and floor defense carefully. That’s different from before, when he would just smash the ball as hard as he could.”

“Oh. Uh. Okay.”

Some things have changed, in the last 8 years. He’s different, too. 

Ryu goes to stand at the service line, and the drumming from Inarizaki slowly gets faster and faster; it’s no surprise to Kanoka that his serve goes right into the net. 

“Yikes,” Maiko mumbles. “Their cheer squad is really messing with Karasuno’s rhythm.” 

Inarizaki nails another service ace; the point gap grows to 3, and Karasuno has to call a timeout. The music from the Inarizaki band swells; it feels like the whole gym is being tugged into Inarizaki’s grasp. 

“Whoa,” Maiko says suddenly. “Are those taiko drums?”

Kanoka looks up, and she’s right; the Karasuno stands are filled with taiko drums and bright banners, _Karasuno Taiko_ proudly displayed across them. They start playing, and she can _feel_ the sound of the taiko drums from across the gym; they don’t drown out Inarizaki’s marching band, but the whole rhythm of the room feels different now. It’s _Saeko_ , she realizes, standing in the center of the taiko group. Her hair is blonde now, but her face is still familiar. Ryu looks just like her.

The game is back and forth, Karasuno always chasing. The gap between them fluctuates, but Karasuno has yet to manage a lead. They’re getting into the match, but it’s all they can do to side-out. 

“This is the first I’ve ever heard of Karasuno, but their roster looks pretty stacked!” she hears someone say. “I mean they’ve got those two rookies with that wicked quick, their samurai dude is a super strong hitter, their libero is amazing, and their captain can bump just about anything!” 

Kanoka can only agree; she’d seen them play before, but she only had eyes for Ryu, then. It makes sense, though; they beat Shiratorizawa after all. 

“What about the buzz cut guy?” 

“Uhh, he’s the energetic guy?”

“Pfft! Is that all he’s good for?”

Kanoka does not agree. She levels her glare at them; they’ll eat their words soon enough. 

Ryu spikes the ball into the block, and he ducks awkwardly out of the way to make it a block out. She can hear his yell from where she’s standing, and it makes Maiko burst into laughter. 

“Man,” she says, wiping her eyes. “I kinda like this Ryu-chan of yours.”

 _He’s not mine_ , she almost says. But it’s pointless to add, so she lets it go. 

Karasuno finally pulls even with Inarizaki at 18-all, as their number 10 somehow stuffs one of the Miya twins, but the twin gets his revenge twice in a row. 20-18. 

The Inarizaki blocks are getting faster and faster, and the gaps are closing, now; spots they were able to score through are closing. Ryu spikes from the left into a double block, and the ball hits the court.

He lucks out this time; Inarizaki net touch. Karasuno pulls level, and even takes the lead when they throw in a pinch server. Karasuno set point. 

Ryu’s luck starts running out though, and he gets blocked. They’re locked in a deuce, now, and he gets blocked again. The blocks are faster. The gaps are closing. The twins make a misplay, but it still isn’t enough. 

He spikes. It’s out. Point to Inarizaki. 

Inarizaki gets a let serve, but Karasuno’s setter gets a hand on it; their middle blocker follows, and that leaves Ryu to get the last touch.

If the blocks have affected him at all, he certainly doesn’t show it. She can hear him call the ball from here, but the set goes to their number 3 anyway. Point to Karasuno. 

“Man,” Maiko comments. “That really had to sting for poor Ryu-chan.”

She’s right, as usual; Kanoka can’t help but think their middle blocker made the right call, but she knows just how much it must hurt; the ball not going up for him meant that their number 11 couldn’t trust him to score. He didn’t think that Ryu could make it. 

“TANAKA-SAN!”

A flash of orange on the court and their little number 10 is jumping in front of Ryu. Kanoka can’t make out his words, but she watches as Ryu’s face flushes with pleasure. 

Their number 10 reminds Kanoka of Ryu, a little, always bright and yelling and cheerful. Smaller than her and yet larger than life. He talks while bouncing up and down and she can almost see 8 year old Ryu praising Kanoka for her height. 

If their similarities are any indication, Kanoka thinks that Ryu will be just fine.

She watches as the ball goes from one twin to the other, as Ryu leaps to support number 10 in his block. The grey-haired twin takes the line to avoid their block, and their captain digs the ball, letting it fly in a pretty arc towards their setter. 

“LEFT!”

Their setter answers his call, the ball going in a clean arc towards Ryu. Inarizaki’s blockers are quick to respond, but Kanoka knows Ryu, and knows that even when he’s backed into a corner he will never give up. _Just do it over and over until you get it!_

“It’ll be okay,” she says. _He’ll get it._

His spike cuts inside the blockers and lands in front of the attack line. Karasuno takes the set.

“Wow,” Maiko remarks. “Ryu-chan is pretty good! Was that just a fluke, though?”

“No.” Nothing with him is ever a fluke, ever accidental. Everything is deliberate, a result of the work he’s done, a result of who he is. She knows this like she knows her own heart.

Right now she’s not thinking of spikes and miracle shots. Right now she is 7 and he is telling her to stand up straight; she is 8 and listening to him call her lucky for being tall, and meaning it with every ounce of his being; she is 9 and he is telling her to do it over and over until she gets it, and truly believing that she can do it, even when she didn’t believe it herself. He has never said anything that he didn’t mean.

_I already have my heart set on another!_

He has always been honest with her. Simple and straightforward. He always says what he means and means what he says; there are no tricks in his words and no lies on his tongue. He is honest and forthright about everything. He always has been. 

“You know?” she says to Maiko. “I think I really did have my heart broken.”

His heart was set on someone else; he told her that, and meant it with every part of himself. Just like he always has. To chase after him would be futile; it would also be cruel. She will not do that to him. She will not do that to _herself._

She made a promise; she has a tournament to win. She’s got bigger things to focus on now. 

“Come on,” she says to Maiko. “Let’s go win this.”

~~~

She doesn’t watch any more of Karasuno’s games. She plays and she thinks of volleyballs and strategies and how to win. And desperately, desperately tries not to think of Ryu. 

(According to Maiko, they lose on the tail end of day 3 against a school from Nagano. Kanoka nods, and puts Ryu out of her mind to focus on the match tape she’s watching. After a minute, Maiko sits next to her too.)

Niiyama wins their semifinal game, and they book their spot in the finals for the second time this year. 

When she steps on the court, she feels a little unstoppable. 

(A little like Ryu.)

~~~

She scores the final spike of the match, heart pounding in her ears. 

Point to Niiyama. Final score: 25:20. They _won._

She can hear her teammates screaming behind her, feel Maiko crash into her back as the rest of their bench crowds onto the court. She yells her heart out on the court with her team, enough to make her throat feel hoarse afterwards.

After the match is a blur, full of interviewers and medals and scouts from the V. Premier League for their third years. She has to duck out of the gym to catch a breather; her heart is still racing. She can hear the _thump_ of the ball hitting the gym floor for the final time. She feels like she’s walking on clouds; Niiyama Girls High is now the reigning Spring High champion, and she was the one to score their final point. 

“You were right!” Kanoka looks up to find Ryu, standing near the gym entrance with his hands on his hips, beaming. Her heart leaps into her throat. “You did get a lot better!”

She ducks her head. She should know better than to do this, to be this close to him again, but she can’t bring her feet to move. “All thanks to you, Ryu-chan.”

“Nah,” he says, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “You did that all by yourself.”

She doesn't have to see herself to know she's blushing.

“Tanaka, Ukai-san wants us back at the hotel soon.”

There’s this gorgeous girl standing behind Tanaka - _their manager_ , Kanoka thinks. Ryu looks at her like she’s the only other person around, and Kanoka’s heart sputters slightly just watching them. _I already have my heart set on someone else_. 

“I’ll be there soon, Kiyoko-san!” He beams at her, his smile a 100 watt bulb. He turns back towards her too fast for her to school her expression into something presentable, and his smile fades. 

“Kanoka,” he says, then stops. What is there even to say?

“It’s okay, Ryu,” she says, even though it isn’t, even though her heart feels like it’s shattering into a million pieces. 

There’s no point in pretending that she doesn’t love him, because she’s sure that he knows; maybe he always has. His expression is uncertain, awkward, _worried,_ even, which Kanoka has never seen on him before. She hates it. She needs to get away, get out of here _now_. 

“I have to go, Ryu-chan,” and she runs off before he can reply. Tears are pricking at the corners of her eyes. The figures of stragglers from the matches blur before her eyes, and she runs and runs and turns the corner and-

She smacks face-first into some unsuspecting passerby, nearly knocking them to the floor. 

“I am so sorry!” Kanoka exclaims. “I wasn’t watching where I was going, and-”

She looks up to find Karasuno’s manager, Ryu’s _Kiyoko-san_ standing in front of her. She curses herself for not being more careful. 

“It’s alright,” she says, and even her _voice_ is beautiful. 

Silence falls between them, thick and awkward. Kanoka tries to make herself move, but her feet are glued to the floor. She isn’t sure what exactly she’s waiting for. 

“T-take care of Ryu-chan’s heart!” she blurts out, and her face is burning. Kiyoko looks at her, wide-eyed in surprise. “He really likes you, and…” Her voice trails off. This was a _terrible idea_ _oh god_. 

Kiyoko smiles softly, even though Kanoka must sound absolutely insane. “I will.” 

Her whole head feels like it’s on fire, and she’s about to turn tail and _run_ when Kiyoko says, “You must be Kanoka, right? Ryu talks a lot about you.” 

Kanoka can only nod, baffled. _He does?_ “He’s very proud of you,” she says, smiling gently. “ Your friendship means a lot to him.” 

Kanoka doesn’t know how to respond to that. She feels warm all over. _Your friendship means a lot to him_. 

“Thank you,” she manages to squeak out. Her throat is tight. 

Kiyoko’s smile is so beautiful, and Kanoka can tell why Ryu likes her; she is kind and sweet and beautiful, so beautiful. Kanoka sort of wants to hate her. 

(She can’t.)

~~~

Maiko finds her, later, outside the gym. Spots the expression on her face and sits down next to her. “You okay?”

Kanoka clears her throat. “Yeah,” she mumbles. 

Her head is spinning, with Kiyoko and Ryu and that stupid look on his face when she ran away from him. She shakes her head to dispel the image, and stands up from the steps, offering a hand to Maiko. 

She smiles, weak but genuine. They just won the _Spring High_. She doesn’t need to feign happiness. 

“Come on,” she says. “Let’s go celebrate.”

Maiko examines her face for a beat before breaking out in a smile, too. “I like the way you think, Amanai.”

~~~

“Kanoka,” Maiko sighs. “We are going to be _so late_.”

They have to leave soon, and there’s still a mess in their room; Kanoka probably should’ve packed yesterday, but she wandered back into the hotel after dinner and collapsed into bed, and Maiko was both kind and foolish enough to let her. 

“Sorry,” she mumbles. She feels lightheaded, keeps forgetting what she’s supposed to be doing. 

Ryu’s uncertain expression is _stuck in her head_ ; creased eyebrows and lips pressed together tightly. Eyes full of worry; about what? _Your friendship means a lot to him_. 

“Kanoka,” Maiko says warningly. 

“Sorry, sorry.” She finally manages to stuff all of her things into her bag, not bothering to fold them neatly. Maiko drags her down 4 flights of stairs and out of the hotel.

She doesn’t know if she can do this, watch him love someone so openly, find it in her to be happy for him.

But he has always been kind with her. Honest and straightforward and but above all, _kind_ . To love someone is to want them to be happy. She wants him to be _happy._ Kanoka isn't blind. She sees how happy he is. Her heart aches at the thought of moving on; she's loved him as long as she's known what love was, but seeing him now, she knows that she has to let him go. 

She knows she’s not finished here yet.

She shoves her bag into Maiko's hands, and runs off before she can ask Kanoka any questions, because Kanoka isn’t sure if she has any answers.

Tanaka has always been kind to her, and so she owes him this one kindness. That stupid, uncertain expression doesn’t suit him. _Your friendship means a lot to him._ Their friendship is a decade old and still blooming. She will not let it end here.

“Ryu-chan!”

“Oh! Uh, hey, Kanoka,” he says, scratching his head awkwardly. “You okay?”

“Kiyoko-san is very kind and beautiful!” she says (loudly, a little too loudly, his friends all probably heard, what is she _doing-_ )

Ryu blinks at her. Blinks again. “I know.”

“So… um….” Her face feels hot enough to cook an egg on. “Y-you take good care of her, you hear me?”

He nods, baffled. “I will.”

She sees his friends behind him, all in varying states of shock and muffled laughter. Kiyoko herself is standing on the steps of their little hotel; Kanoka can’t tell if she heard anything that was said, and isn’t particularly sure she wants to know the answer. 

“Yeah, Tanaka,” one of his friends says. “Take good care of your _unbeatable foe_ , okay? Or Daichi-san, Suga-san and Asahi-san will all be after your hide-”

Ryu shoves him, making him stumble and laugh. “S-shut up!” Ryu yells, face flaming red. “I will, okay?”

She watches his friends tease him, friends she doesn’t know, talking about jokes and people she can’t place. She watches as he stutters and blushes and does things that the Ryu she knows wouldn’t have been caught dead doing. She feels ridiculous, all of a sudden. It’s so silly to have gone 8 years without seeing someone, and to have loved them all this time regardless. She doesn’t know this version of Ryu, not really; the person she loved is still 8, bright and fearless and bringing her to a volleyball court. He is 16 and standing in front of her, surrounded by friends that she doesn’t know and a girl that he loves; a whole life he built for himself outside of her. And Kanoka, she built one outside of him too, with Maiko and the rest of Niiyama. 

Tanaka Ryunnosuke is the one who upturned her life, who knocked down her walls, but she's the one who built something new in their place. She's something without him. Niiyama's ace. Spring High champion. She brought herself here. She can learn to grow, to thrive without loving him. 

She thinks she already has.

She doesn’t think she loves this Ryu, but she wants to _know_ him. He was her friend, before she fell in love with him. That’s important to her, too. 

“Hey, Ryu-chan?” He turns towards her, shoving his friends’ arms off him. 

“Do you have a phone number?” she asks, and his face lights up in a brilliant smile. 

~~~

When she comes back onto the bus, it’s with a smile on her face.

~~~

“Good work everyone,” Satsuki calls as they get off the bus. “We’ll have a meeting next week to discuss plans for next year’s team. Amanai,” she says, dropping her voice. “Could you come with me?”

“O-oh!” she yelps. Her heart leaps into her throat. “Yes, Satsuki-san.”

Satsuki laughs. “Don’t be so nervous, Amanai. I don’t bite.”

“Y-yes, ma'am.” she says, and immediately curses herself for stuttering. 

“You’ve got to get out of your shell a little bit next year, you hear me?” Satsuki walks away, gesturing for Kanoka to follow. “You’ve got to be a little more confident if you want to make a good captain.”

Kanoka stops in her tracks. _What-_

“Don’t look so surprised, Amanai,” Satsuki says, turning back to face her. “You’ve been at the head of this team for a while. You’ve got an eye for strategy and the skill to carry it out. You’re not the most outgoing, but you’re good with the first years - approachable, you know?”

Kanoka doesn’t know. 

Satsuki smiles, and it lights her whole face up. “I’ve watched you for a long time, Amanai. You’ve come a really long way these past two years, and I know that you’ll make a great captain.”

She grins. “You’ve earned this, alright? So don’t cry when we give you the jersey next week.”

~~~

(She cries when they give her the jersey.)

~~~

During her third year, Kanoka wears Satsuki’s old jersey; number 1, with the captain’s line underneath. She forms a brand new team, _her_ team, with a strong core of second and third years, and a couple of exceptional rookies.

(It’s weird, being included in the decisions for the lineup when just last year she was fighting for her own spot. But – she likes it. She likes being captain. She would’ve never pictured it, but now she wouldn’t have it any other way.)

Their team is strong, maybe even stronger than they were last year. They fly through the Inter-High preliminaries and book their slot for nationals.

That summer, she stands on Tokyo’s orange court, bearing the sign of Miyagi’s representative. She stands next to Futakuchi Kenji from Dateko, who Ryu called an asshole even before Date Tech beat Karasuno for the Nationals’ spot. 

Date Tech makes the top 16. Niiyama makes the top 4, and are brought down in 3 tight sets. 

The other girls cry after their loss, and Kanoka comforts them even though she wants to cry too. Her throat feels tight. Bags and sweaty kneepads blur in front of her eyes, and Maiko has to catch her arm before she brains herself on the changeroom tile.

She stands outside their hotel after they return, head tipped up to the sky, Maiko by her side. It’s stupidly sunny in the middle of August, and she has to close her eyes against the onslaught of sunlight. 

Her heart is a lead weight in her chest. She knew, going into this that victory was never guaranteed. Top seed, defending champions. None of it means anything on the court. 

She feels a little ashamed, a little guilty nonetheless. It feels like breaking a family heirloom; Satsuki had built and passed on a legacy of champions, and Kanoka had dropped the ball when it came to her turn.

Maiko digs her elbow into her ribs. “Stop that.”

“ _Ow_ ,” Kanoka complains. “I didn’t say anything.”

“It wasn’t your fault we lost,” she says. Her eyes are still closed. “They were just better. But we’re gonna beat them next time.”

“Yeah.”

They go home and stew on it, watch the match tapes and pick apart their plays, finding places to improve. August and September and October blur together in a mush of practice and analyzing and late nights hunched over math homework, and before she knows it, the prefectural qualifiers are here. 

They win the spot at nationals, and Karasuno snatches the slot away from Dateko in 5 sets. Come January, she stands proudly next to Ennoshita Chikara, captain of Karasuno at the Spring High opening ceremonies. 

She watches Karasuno win through round 1 and 2, watches them fight their hardest in round 3 but come up short against the Miya twins. 

“You played well,” she tells Ryu after the match. “Your whole team - they all played well.”

“Yeah, I know,” he says. “Stupid twins were just better this time.” He sighs, and tilts his head up to the ceiling. “’S weird, ya know? Can’t believe it’s over now.”

It feels surreal, approaching the end of her high school volleyball career. It’s even weirder to think that for Ryu, it’s all already over.

“Well,” he amends with a grin. “Not for you. Good luck out there, yeah? Kick their asses today.”

She laughs. “I will.” 

Quarterfinals, semifinals. They win them both, and Ryu’s at both games with his team, yelling her name from the stands. It makes her blush, and it makes Maiko double over with laughter. 

She’s seen the bracket, knows that the team waiting for them in the finals is the same one they lost against in August. She expects to be nervous, but she can’t find it in herself. After all, they are not the same team that went down 5 months ago. They’re better, now. Stronger. 

Top seed, defending champion. None of that means anything on this court. 

She steps onto the court for her last high school match, and turns to face the team. Her smile isn’t forced at all. 

“Ready to win this?”

~~~

They win the match in 4, and Kanoka hoists the Spring High trophy with tears in her eyes. The lights are bright and all eyes are on her; a younger version of herself would’ve turned tail and ran. 

This version stands under the spotlight, surrounded by her team, and thinks that there is not a single place she’d rather be. 

~~~

“Amanai,” Maeda-sensei calls. She is standing with a woman Kanoka’s never seen before, and her eyes are bright under the lights of the gym. “Someone’s here to see you.”

“Amanai-san,” the stranger says, bowing slightly. Kanoka bows back, confused. “I’m with the Hikari Pharmaceutical Red Rabbits.”

She can’t hear anything else that the scout says; her mind has gone completely blank. The Red Rabbits are one of the top teams in the Premier League. It seems impossible. A fever dream, conjured up by her victory-high brain. She blinks. Blinks again, pinches herself to make sure it’s real. The scout stares at her expectantly. Kanoka isn’t even sure what she said, but knows what her answer will be anyway. 

There’s so much to think about, so many semantics to work out, but Kanoka can’t think of anything except _yes, yes of course._ She hasn’t imagined a future without volleyball in it since she was 10 years old. For her, this is the one and only choice. 

“Yes. I-” She stumbles over her words. “Yes, of course.”

The scout blinks at her, and smiles widely. “Great,” she says. “We’ll be in touch with you soon.”

~~~

They get back from Tokyo and retire from the volleyball club in time for the 3rd years to start cramming for their futures. Kanoka’s one of the few who has it figured out; the others still have lots of choices to make. She spends her afternoons watching the new team practice while the others cram for the Center Test, and hovers in the gym until Maeda-sensei tells her to put some effort in her classes if she has this much free time. 

(Kanoka watches as Maiko works through huge textbooks of notes and problem sets for the Center Test, and she knows that Maiko is not following her to the V. League, despite multiple offers. The knowledge is a lead weight in her chest.)

Maiko writes the Center Test in January, and Kanoka walks into their dorm a month later to find her holding a thick letter from Nippon Sports Science Univeristy. 

“I got in,” she says in disbelief. “Holy shit, Kanoka, I got _in_.” 

“To Nittaidai?” Kanoka peeks over Maiko's shoulder and breaks out in a smile. “Congrats, Maiko.” 

Then her smile fades slightly as it sinks in. This makes _sense_ , but it makes her heart ache a little; Maiko's always had good grades, was always interested in at least _some_ of the things they talked about in class. It’s been almost a decade playing volleyball with Maiko; some part of her had believed that it would’ve been the rest of their lives. 

Maiko turns around in her chair and catches the look on Kanoka’s face before she can wipe it off. “Oh, come on,” she groans. “Don’t make that face. Hey-” She reaches out and takes Kanoka’s hands. “This is always what you were meant to do. You belong on the court, Kanoka. You always have.”

She heaves a sigh. “I’m not the same, okay? You always loved volleyball with everything you had, and to do this for the rest of your life... I think you need that. I was never like that,” she says, a wry smile twisting her lips. “I think we both knew that from the start.” 

This too, Kanoka knows; recognizes that sometimes in high school Maiko's priorities had shifted until they were no longer the same as her own. Maiko is good at volleyball, good enough to go pro, but she had stopped pouring everything into it the way Kanoka did, because it was no longer the center of her life. 

“You’ll be fine, Kanoka. You’ve never needed me or anyone else to play. You do this for you. So you’ll be just fine.”

Kanoka’s face flushes at her words and tears well up in her eyes. She wipes at her eyes hastily before they can fall. Alarm flashes across Maiko's face. “Oi, I didn’t say anything! What’re you crying for?”

“You’re right,” Kanoka mumbles. “But you didn’t have to be so _sappy_ about it.”

Maiko laughs, and Kanoka feels a little silly, a little selfish; this isn’t about her. This is about Maiko, getting into the school and program of her dreams. 

“Sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean to make such a big deal of it. I’m happy for you, really. You deserve this.” Kanoka rubs her eyes, then stands up, still holding Maiko's hands. “C’mon,” she says, smiling. “We have some celebrating to do.”

Maiko gets to her feet too, grinning. “Lead the way, Amanai.”

~~~

She packs her stuff and moves all the way to Tokyo 3 months after Maiko does, into a small apartment complex with the rest of the Red Rabbits. She had been nervous to live with the rest of her team, knowing that she was the youngest by quite a bit. A recent high school graduate in a group of fully fledged adults. But she hadn’t needed to worry; Hirugami Shouko, who’s 4 years her senior and has no one to baby now that she doesn’t live with her little brother, took Kanoka under her wing the moment she came to Tokyo. Shouko introduces her to the rest of the team, and they are all so _kind_. So willing to teach. So willing to become friends and family. 

Her first season is spent on the bench, and it reminds her of being back at Niiyama, the youngest and the worst all over again. It’s frustrating, though it makes sense; she’s not the only new one to the Premier League, but she’s the only one who came straight out of high school. Years in collegiate volleyball have widened the gap between her and her team. 

The National team, the Olympics in Rio - it feels like a pipe dream, now. Several new members in the League have already been scouted by the JVA, but Kanoka is still stuck on the sidelines, fighting for court time. 

Shouko tells her to be patient. “These things take time,” she points out as they stretch. “You’re fresh out of high school, and you’re already so good; a little more practice in the league and you’ll practically be a veteran yourself.”

“Don’t feel discouraged, okay? You’ve got so much to learn, and being here now means you’ve got lots of great teachers to learn from.” Shouko stands up, done stretching, and pats her on the shoulder as she leaves. 

Kanoka tries to listen, and she does find it exciting to be on the Rabbits; she improves a little every day, playing with these people who are so much better than her. She just has to be a little more patient, work a little harder. She stays later and comes in earlier than anyone else, even if it’s just to hit against the wall or do drills by herself. Her efforts pay off, and she earns a starting spot in their regular lineup during her second season.

Shouko’s smile is all too smug during the announcement. “I told you, didn’t I?” she says, grinning from ear to ear. 

Maiko comes to her debut match, despite having a test the next day, and Kanoka can hear her cheering all the way on the court. The sound warms her from her head to her toes, and the Red Rabbits win the match in 3.

(Maiko aces the test anyway. Of course she does.)

Kanoka’s phone buzzes during the after party that night; it’s from Ryu, and she can feel his excitement through the screen. 

**Ryu-chan [19:32]** **  
** CONGRATS ON THE DEBUT TODAY  
I WATCHED YOU PLAY YOU WERE AMAZING 

_You were amazing._ The words would’ve once rendered her into a blushing mess, unable to respond until Maiko slapped some sense into her. Instead, she feels warm and full of a different kind of love, and she texts him back easily. 

**Me [19:33]** **  
** Thanks, Ryu-chan!

~~~

The rest of the season passes in a blur – November becomes December becomes January, and match after match passes without any scouts from the JVA. The Olympics are approaching like a freight train, and her hopes to be part of the team that represents Japan grows slimmer every day.

Shouko talks to a scout after a match and comes back to the team with her eyes sparkling, but nothing comes for Kanoka, even as she plays in more and more matches. She tries her best to not feel bitter, and congratulates her with as much enthusiasm as she can muster. 

They miss out on making the final 3 by the skin of their teeth. Their last game is in March, and had they secured the win, they would’ve slipped into the final stage. But they lose, and she’s the one who misses the very last point, a line shot that lands just out of bounds. Thinking about it leaves a sour taste in her mouth.

The start of the offseason makes her jittery; there’s so much _time_ , now, and she wears a hole in the floor of her apartment before the first day is out. 

On the second day, she goes to the gym. 

The eerie quiet envelopes the volleyball courts; it’s weird, being here alone. She’s gotten used to the chatter of her teammates, echoing off the walls. She’s not even sure what she’s doing here by herself, what she plans to do.

She could call a teammate to come. Her fingers hover over her phone, but she thinks better of it; they just finished a long season, and they, unlike her, probably all actually want to take a break. 

She sighs and puts her phone in her bag. She can practice serving instead.

Her palms hit ball after ball, her legs burning as she jumps over and over. The sound of volleyballs hitting plastic bottles drowns out the deafening silence in the locker room after their loss, the cheers of the other team, the _and a bad miss from outside hitter Amanai, what a way to end the season of the defending champions-_

“Amanai, what are you doing here?” Kanoka jumps and turns around; Shouko is standing in the doorway, arms crossed. “Shouldn’t you be back home?”

“Oh!” Kanoka scratches her head, cheeks flushed. What is she supposed to say? 

Shouko walks further into the room, sees the water bottles lined up on the other side of the court, the volleyballs strewn around the gym, and heaves a sigh. “Go _home_ , Amanai,” she says firmly. “Take a break. See your family, your friends. We’ll be back in the gym before you know it; you should take a break when you have the chance.”

Taking a break now feels impossible. She hasn't made the National team, she lost the championship - there isn’t time for her to slow down. There's so much more she has to do, and-

Shouko takes her hands, breaking her train of thought. Her eyes are uncharacteristically serious. “You will have the rest of your career to improve your line shots,” she says firmly. Kanoka opens her mouth to protest but Shouko cuts her off. “Don’t even start, I know you were thinking it. You’re so _young_ , Amanai. You didn’t make the team this time but _you will get there_. Beating yourself up for every mistake you made will not get you there any faster.”

 _She’ll make a great captain someday,_ Kanoka thinks distantly. 

“Thank you,” she mumbles. 

Shouko smiles, and lets go of her hands. “I’ll see you in September, alright? Don’t let me catch you overworking again.”

~~~

She goes back to Sendai in April, and restarts her offseason by going to the gym near her parents’ house, which is probably not what Shouko had in mind, but she isn’t the boss of Kanoka just yet. The last person she expects to see at the gym at 7 in the morning on a Sunday is Shimizu Kiyoko, but life has a funny way of surprising you.

“Shimizu-san,” she says awkwardly. 

Shimizu Kiyoko stares at her, and smiles slightly. “Amanai-san. It’s nice to see you.”

“It’s nice to see you too,” she says quietly. 

Ryu suddenly jogs up from around the corner, holding a water bottle. “Hey, you forgot this in the car,” he calls, and Kiyoko turns around and takes his, thanking him, a fond smile spreading across her face as she looks at him. She looks so happy to see him, even for a second. So happy and in love.

It’s just a moment. A fraction of a second. But it tells Kanoka everything she needs to know. 

Oh, she cannot _believe_ he never mentioned this. 

Ryu spots Kanoka and his eyes go wide. “Hey, Kanoka! You didn’t tell me you were back in Sendai.”

She laughs faintly. “Oh, I wasn’t really planning on it, but,” she shrugs. “Things happened, I guess.” 

“I guess I’ll see you around then!” he says, grinning. His voice is bright and cheerful, but his eyes flit between her and Shimizu, on guard, as if they’ll implode if they get any closer to each other. “Okay, I’m gonna be late. See you, Kanoka!” 

He gives Shimizu a quick kiss and jogs off towards the parking lot, leaving Kanoka and Shimizu standing together awkwardly in front of the entrance to the gym. Shimizu pulls open the door and gestures for Kanoka to go inside. 

Kanoka smiles at Shimizu as thanks, and they go into the gym and part ways. 

Being in the gym by herself is new, and it feels strange and awkward; everyone here seems to know each other, or at least have someone that they know. She hovers by the weight station awkwardly; she’s always had someone there to spot her before; she's only ever worked out with the rest of her team. The gym feels too big to be in alone. 

“Would you like me to spot you?”

She jumps and turns around; Shimizu Kiyoko stands behind her, her arms behind her back. Her smile is kind and genuine and makes Kanoka feel a little more at ease. 

That’s right, she thinks. She does know someone here, too. 

It’s an olive branch, the start of something new. All she has to do is grab ahold of it, and trust that the other girl will be there to catch her.

Kanoka takes it and leaps. 

“I’d like that.”

~~~

She meets Ryu for a late lunch that day, and while they’ve kept in touch, there’s a lot about their lives that goes unsaid. She talks about the disappointment of not making the national team, the loss of the championship last month. He tells her about his new job, classes for a personal trainer certification that he’s taking. He doesn’t mention Kiyoko. 

“Wow,” he says, leaning back in his chair with a grin. “I guess I missed a lot, huh? We really need to talk more.”

“Yeah, I guess I missed a lot too,” she laughs. It tumbles out before she can stop it. “You never mentioned anything about Shimizu-san.”

She kinda wants to take it back; she didn’t mean for it to sound so accusatory. But they were friends, and they had been for years and years and years. And this was the kind of thing you told your friends, right?

His expression is sheepish. “Yeah, sorry,” he mumbles, scratching the back of his head. “I dunno, it just felt- weird, I guess? Because of-” He waves his hand around. “All that _stuff_ , you feel?”

Kanoka gets it, she really does. But-

“Ryu-chan,” she says firmly. “That was a long time ago. I’m over it, okay?”

He sighs. “I know.”

“Hey,” she says. He looks up at her, eyes curious.

“I’m happy for you. Seriously.” She says it, and she means it with every part of herself. 

He breaks out in a grin. “Thanks, Kanoka!”

~~~

The gym becomes her and Kiyoko’s little routine; they meet at the gym every other day, running side by side on the treadmills and taking turns spotting one another. They don’t talk a lot, but the silence feels comfortable, easy instead of awkward. 

The part that surprises her the most is that she actually wants to _know_ Kiyoko, out of the immediate context of Ryu and the gym. A month into this routine and they’ve never exchanged more than a few awkward pleasantries. The silence just comes easier. 

“You should just-” Maiko yawns. “Talk to her. That’s kinda how you get to know people better.”

Kanoka gnaws at her lip. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

Maiko snorts. “Why wouldn’t she?”

“I don’t know,” Kanoka mumbles, fiddling with a thread on her shirt. “There’s all that stuff with Ryu-”

“Oh, come on, that was years ago! What’s she got to be mad about?” Maiko sighs, exasperated. “She’s the one who asked you to work out together or whatever, right?” she points out. “That probably means she wants to know you better, too.”

“I guess.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you overthink things too much?” Maiko leans back in her chair, smiling smugly. 

“Yeah, _you_ ,” Kanoka laughs. “Thanks, Maiko. I’ll talk to her.”

She grins. “You better.”

~~~

The next day she goes to the gym and meets Kiyoko; pleasantries, running, then weights. And the silence, filling all the space in between. 

It’s easy. So incredibly easy. Kanoka has always done easy well, but she’s long since learned not to settle for just _easy_.

They’re about to say goodbye when Kanoka pauses at the door, turns to Kiyoko. She thinks about what Maiko said; she goes back to Tokyo soon, and there’s only so much time she has left.

“I’d really like to get to know you better,” she says, and she surprises herself with how firm her voice sounds. 

Shimizu looks surprised too, before she breaks out her beautiful, brilliant smile. “I’d like that too,” she says. “Would you like to get coffee sometime?”

Kanoka exhales, relieved. “Yeah!” she says. “When should we go?”

Shimizu ponders this, then smiles devilishly. “How about now?”

She frowns. It’s a Thursday; Ryu normally comes by to take her home with him.“Isn’t Ryu waiting for you?”

Kiyoko waves her hand. “He’ll understand, I’m sure. He’ll probably even be pleased.”

They walk outside together, and Ryu is waiting by the curb, leaning against the windows of the gym with his hands in his pockets, trying to look intimidating. Kanoka doesn’t have the heart to tell him that it isn’t working.

He spots them walking towards him and immediately lights up, any pretense of being a tough guy melting away. “Hey! Ready to go?”

“Actually, we were going to go get coffee,” Shimizu says.

He looks at them both, surprised. “Oh! Great! There’s this great place just down the street from here, actually. We should go check it out!”

Shimizu pats his arm gently. “We meant without you, Ryu.”

He blinks. A moment passes, and he staggers backwards, clutching at his chest dramatically. “I can’t believe it,” he proclaims. He turns to Kanoka, eyes wide. “We’ve been friends over 10 years, and you’d betray me like this?”

Kanoka laughs. Her heart is lighter than it has been in months. “You can come, if you’d like. I don’t mind.”

“Ignore him,” Shimizu says as he shakes his head. “He’s just being dramatic.” She’s rolling her eyes, but her smile is so soft, so full of love.

“Yeah, you two have fun,” Ryu says. “I’m gonna call Noya, he’d never leave me hanging like this-” Shimizu shoves him before he can finish, and he walks off, cackling. Watching them like this, so full of love and affection probably would’ve hurt Kanoka’s heart once. She’s almost surprised to find that her chest doesn’t ache. Shimizu turns towards her, smile a little brighter.

“Ready to go?”

~~~

They head to the coffee shop that Ryu mentioned, down the street from their gym. They talk as they go, as they sit down in the shop and order; Kanoka talks about her team, about missing out on the Olympics, about Maiko and Shouko. Kiyoko tells her about crazy professors and nightmare classes and even Ryu sometimes. Conversation flows easily between them. That’s the most surprising bit; it's so easy to talk about everything, about successes and losses and everything in between. Kanoka spent weeks wearing a hole in her floor worrying about what Kiyoko thought - whether she’d like Kanoka, or maybe be jealous or not want her around Ryu. She spent weeks in relative silence only to find that talking to her is one of the easiest things Kanoka’s ever done. 

All the worrying feels silly, now. 

**Me [15:08]** **  
** You were right. About Kiyoko.  
Thanks.

 **Maiko [15:10]** **  
** always am, amanai, always am.  
anytime ;D

~~~

Her last 2 weeks in Sendai are during the Olympics. She watches Shouko play in Rio, a rerun playing on the tiny television that her parents own. She doesn’t feel jealous at all. Instead she watches her play, and thinks of her words in their small gym. _I will get there one day._

Her phone goes off, startling her. 

**Kiyoko [12:48]** **  
** Would you like to watch the Olympics at our place tonight?  
Japan is playing France at 9:30.

The answer is obvious. She doesn’t hesistate at all. 

**Me [12:52]** **  
** That sounds great! What’s the address?

~~~ 

Ryu and Kiyoko live in a tiny, run down apartment building in downtown Sendai. Kiyoko buzzes her in, and when she walks up to the door, ready to knock, it swings open violently to reveal Ryu, grinning maniacally. 

“There she is!” he crows, and his voice echoes out into the cramped hallway. “Ready to watch the game?”

“Of course,” she says, smiling as he closes the door behind her. 

Kiyoko dashes into the living room to give Kanoka a hug, and they sit down to watch Japan play France on the tiny T.V. Kanoka watches in wide-eyed disbelief as 19 year old Kageyama Tobio serves up service ace after service ace, his form clean and perfect over the grainy footage. 

Ryu almost snorts beer up his nose when Kageyama nails a setter dump. “Personality is as terrible as ever, I see.”

“We went to school with Kageyama,” Kiyoko explains, an easy smile spreading across her face. Kanoka knew this already, remembers him clearly from the Spring High; scary, skilled and always bickering with their little number 10. 

“Yeah, we did,” Ryu agrees. “Smart-mouthed little shit,” he says, but his expression and voice are both unmistakably fond. 

They laugh and cheer and pick apart plays together, loud enough to disturb the neighbours. The game ends but she stays, talking and trading stories about high school classmates and nighmare teammates and volleyball. Sitting next to them on the couch, it feels like she’s belonged here her whole life. She feels warm. Safe. 

(Loved.)

It’s not the kind she dreamed of at 17, staring at Ryu on the sidelines of a volleyball court. But she thinks it’s just as good. 

~~~

She goes back to Tokyo after the Olympics, right as training starts to begin again in earnest. The season kicks off in October, and Ryu and Kiyoko come to every game in Sendai, cheering on the sidelines. Maiko does the same for all the games in Tokyo, and it makes Kanoka’s heart feel warm enough to burst. 

Games pass and no one from the JVA comes for her, but she doesn’t mind as much. She learns to be patient about this, too. She remembers Shouko’s words, remembers that she is just getting started. She has a lot to improve on, and she lets the possibility excite her instead of scare her. 

The Red Rabbits, with Shouko as their captain (finally), win game after game. Kanoka gets better and better, scores point after point. She nails a perfect line shot that edges them into the final 3, and the success washes away the sour taste from her final shot last season.

They pull off an incredible upset to make the last 3, and when they take to the court for finals, she feels a little unstoppable. 

~~~

They take the finals in 5, and Kanoka feels on top of the world. 

Her teammates sprint onto the court, yelling and screaming, and Kanoka is yelling along with them. Shouko has tears in her eyes, and she’s pulling Kanoka into a tight hug as the rest of their team crowds around them. Tears fill her eyes too as she hugs Shouko back; National team or not, she feels unstoppable. 

Line shot, service ace, kill block. Perfection.

They sign autographs after the awards ceremony, do interviews and chat with kids who look up at Kanoka with stars in their eyes. Shouko nudges her ribs all of a sudden as they stand at the autograph station. “Hey, your fanclub is here,” she says, grinning.

Kanoka looks up to find Maiko standing with Ryu and Kiyoko, all three of them wearing matching grins. The sight of them standing together makes her brain short-circuit. “Hey, Kanoka!” Maiko cackles. “Check out who I found!” 

“Congrats, Kanoka!” Kiyoko says, squeezing Kanoka’s hands. Kanoka’s eyes are hot with tears. She didn’t think she’d see any of them today; Kiyoko and Ryu live all the way up in Sendai, and Maiko spent her summer back home as well. 

“I can’t believe you guys came all the way down for this,” she mumbles. Her throat is tight. 

Ryu grins at her. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he tells her, and Kanoka hugs the three of them as tightly as she can. 

~~~

She is introducing Shouko to Ryu, Kiyoko and Maiko when it happens.

“Amanai-san?” The manager for the Red Rabbits taps her shoulder. “Someone from the JVA is here to see you.”

Shouko looks at her, wide eyed and grinning brightly. Kanoka feels like she’s lost her ability to speak, but luckily for her there isn’t really much to say. The answer is obvious. The conversation is a blur, and it ends with her holding a JVA business card, officially a member of the Japanese Women’s National Volleyball Team.

She walks back to her friends in a daze. It feels like she’s dreaming; she’s wanted this for so long that it doesn’t feel real that she finally has it. She’s on the National team now. She’s on the _National team_ , and she feels kill block unstoppable. Perfect line shot unstoppable. Service ace just kissing the line unstoppable.

Maiko tackles her in a hug, and Shouko has her arms around both of them, and Ryu and Kiyoko are both there too, yelling their congratulations. Her teammates are cheering too, and Kanoka’s eyes gloss over with tears.

She is a member of the _National Team,_ surrounded by more love than she would’ve ever pictured herself having at 17. She stands on a volleyball court, arms around the people she loves the most, and she thinks, _this is where I have always belonged._

~~~

Ryu decides to propose to Kiyoko halfway through the 2017-18 V. Premier League season. He shows Kanoka the ring over LINE after a match, which was a huge mistake on his behalf. 

“Man, I don’t know if I should’ve told you,” he mutters as he tucks the ring back into his pocket. “You can’t cry every time you see her, you’re gonna blow my cover.”

Kanoka wipes her nose. “I won’t!”

“Bruh, you’re crying right now!”he laughs. 

She tries to steady her voice. “How are you planning to do it?”

He scratches his head. “Oh. I was thinking of going back to Karasuno? Propose in the gym, maybe.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Kanoka sighs. 

“Yeah. It’s kind of an inside joke. I asked her to marry me in the gym when I first met her like, 7 years ago, so proposing there would kinda make it come full circle, you know?”

That sets her off again. “Oh, Ryu,” she whispers, her voice thick with tears. “It’s perfect.” 

“Jeez, stop crying!” he laughs. “I know it’s good, Ennoshita came up with it for me. Think he was tryna make fun of me, but the joke’s on him, it’s a pretty good idea. Hey, there’s still a month to go, alright? Keep it together for me.”

Kanoka manages to keep his secret safe, though it’s probably the hardest thing she’s ever done. The season kicking into high gear makes it easier, but she still has to hold back tears every time Kiyoko calls her. 

She’s at practice when Ryu proposes, comes home just in time to see her screen light up with a LINE notification from him. It’s a picture of Kiyoko standing in their high school gym. Her eyes are red-rimmed but she’s still beautiful, and she’s got a ring on her left hand.

 **Ryu-chan [20:34]** **  
** SHE SAID YES

Kanoka calls him immediately, and his face pops onto her phone screen, radiant. Kiyoko is next to him, tucked under his arm and bundled up in her winter jacket. Their faces are lit up by the bright gym lights surrounding them, but they pale in comparison to their radiant expressions. 

“Congratulations, you guys!” Kanoka exclaims, beaming. 

“I know, right?” Ryu brags. “Only took me, like, 8 years to get her to say yes. Ennoshita said it’d take me 20, but the joke’s on him!”

Kanoka hears voices in the background. “Oh, are you guys celebrating now?”

“A couple of high school friends are coming,” Kiyoko answers, smiling. She looks up at Ryu lovingly. “He told me it was a high school reunion, which wasn’t a total lie.” 

“Oh, I’ll get out of your hair then!” Kanoka says quickly. “ Just wanted to say congrats!”

“Thank you,” Kiyoko says, smiling like the sun, and Ryu grins at the camera as he hangs up. 

Ryu and Kiyoko are getting _married_. She presses a hand to her forehead and laughs. 

(It’s weird, she thinks. She couldn’t be more excited to see them married.

She really has come a long way.)

~~~

Kanoka can’t find time to go back to Sendai until the season ends, but she books a Shinkasen ticket to go back the first day she can. Kiyoko comes to pick her up from the train station, and Kanoka greets her with a hug that lifts her off the floor. They drop her stuff off with her parents before going out to their coffee shop near the gym. 

Kanoka is expecting to cry when she sees the ring (she does) and laugh at the proposal story (also does). She, however, is not expecting this: 

“Would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?”

Kanoka almost chokes on her tea. 

“I’d understand if you’d want to be on Ryu’s side instead,” Kiyoko says quickly, eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve known each other longer, and-”

 _Life has a funny way of surprising you_ , she thinks. 

Kanoka grabs her hands. “Are you kidding me?” she laughs. “I’d _love_ to be one of your bridesmaids.”

Kiyoko’s smile is a million shining stars. 

The next few months are a blur of dress fittings and wedding planning and panicked calls from Ryu about wedding planning. Kanoka meets Yachi Hitoka, Kiyoko’s maid of honour, who is so small and yet a force to be reckoned with, calm and cool as she haggles with vendors about colour schemes and name card designs. Kanoka and Kiyoko both let her take the lead.

The wedding is small; they’re right out of college and still trying to make ends meet, but it’s intimate and perfect and so, so _them_. It’s full of their high school friends; Nishinoya Yuu is Tanaka’s best man, who almost trips into Kanoka all over again when he sees her with Kiyoko. Ennoshita Chikara is his other groomsman, and immediately takes credit for getting the couple together during his speech. Their tiny number 10 is tanned and older and no longer tiny, and he bickers nonstop with Kageyama Tobio, who actually recognized Kanoka (!) from her appointment to the National Team. 

Ryu invites Maiko to the wedding, which surprises Kanoka; apparently, meeting at the finals almost 2 years ago cemented their friendship, and they’re so similar that Kanoka really shouldn’t have been surprised. Maiko and Ryu and Nishinoya in the same room do _not_ spell a good combination for anyone, but especially for poor, sweet Ennoshita. She almost feels guilty for bringing them together. 

Kiyoko is gorgeous in her dress, Ryu looks handsome in his tux, and surrounded by their friends telling stories she doesn’t recognize, a distant version of Kanoka would’ve felt very out of place. 

This version of Kanoka can’t think of a single place she would rather be. 

~~~

Sometime in the evening, Kanoka sits quietly at one of the tables by herself, watching as the rest of the guests mingle on the dance floor. 

Ryu flops into the chair beside her. “Hey, where’d Maiko go?”

Kanoka smiles. “She’s with Nishinoya, I think. Probably bothering Ennoshita.”

And she is; a quick survey of the room reveals Maiko with Nishinoya, harassing Ennoshita into asking one of Kiyoko’s coworkers to dance. It makes them both burst into laughter.

“Man, I should’ve known it was a mistake to introduce them,” Ryu says, wiping his eyes. “Poor Chikara’s never gonna escape.”

They fall into an easy silence, watching as Kiyoko dances with Sugawara Koushi under the fluorescent lights. She’s never looked more radiant; Ryu can’t take his eyes off her. 

“You know,” Ryu says conversationally. “I kinda wanted you to be one of my groomsmen. Almost fought her for you.”

Kanoka stares at him for a minute, then bursts into laughter. 

“I’m serious!” He’s laughing too, bright and easy. “But,” he pauses. “She doesn’t really make friends easily, you know? And she really loves you.”

Kanoka’s heart aches with love.

“And I really love you too,” he says, grinning sideways at her. “You’re both really important to me, you know? I’m glad you guys are friends.”

Her eyes fill with tears. She has to dab at her eyes with a napkin. “Jeez, Ryu,” she mumbles, throat tight. “You can’t make me cry, I’ve already fixed my makeup _4 times_.”

He laughs maniacally in response. 

“Kanoka!”

Kiyoko stands in the middle of the dance floor with her friends, hand stretched out towards Kanoka. Kanoka’s not much of a dancer, but she joins hands with Kiyoko anyway, and she doesn’t feel embarrassed at all. 

She dances underneath the fluorescent lights with Kiyoko, their warm hands joined as they bob to the music. Neither of them know how to dance, but it doesn’t matter. Kanoka stands at the wedding of some of her closest friends, and she thinks: _I’m glad, too._

~~~

2021

Kanoka stands under the lights of the Ariake Arena, wearing the number 2 jersey, and she waits for Serbia to serve. 

Stojkovic’s serve comes straight for her. She’s expecting it, but she can’t get underneath it in time. Her knees hit the ground awkwardly, the ball flying off her arms into the barriers behind her. The point gap between them and Serbia widens. 

_Just do it over and over again until you get it!_

She inhales. Exhales. This is not the first time she’s been targeted, and she knows that it certainly will not be the last. She’s dug a million killer serves before. This one is no different. 

Kanoka Amanai knows the taste of defeat better than she knows her own name. No matter how many hits she takes, she'll get back up and try again. She’s unstoppable, on this court. And this will not stop her. 

Shouko jogs over, offers her a hand. Kanoka takes it and clambers to her feet. “I’ll get it,” she says, to no one in particular. 

Shouko blinks, then grins. “Course you will.”

The serve comes, and this time she doesn’t flinch away from it. The bump goes up, and she runs in and jumps, the set flying neatly towards the antenna. 

Her line shot flies between the blockers and the antenna, bouncing off Stojkovic’s arms. 

Unstoppable. 

~~~

 **Ryu-chan [17:24]** **  
** GOOD JOB AGAINST SERBIA TODAYYY  
CONGRATS ON THE WIN 

**Kiyoko [17:25]** **  
** He cried.  
;)

 **Ryu-chan [17:25]** **  
** NO I DIDN’T  
DAMMIT KIYOKO YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T SAY 

**Kiyoko [17:25]** **  
** <3

 **Ryu-chan [17:26]**  
stabbed in the back by MY OWN WIFE  
unbelievable

**_Ryu-chan has left the group chat._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Ryu-chan [17:31]  
> wait kanoka she won’t add me back 
> 
> (this was inspired by [@shinsucke's](https://twitter.com/shinsucke) [amazing kanoka character analysis thread!](https://twitter.com/shinsucke/status/1286278920099127297)! i love kanoka sm... thank you for reading!! find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/luckygrub) and scream abt haikyuu with me ;0)


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